I’ve gone and run off with the pirate ninja’s. I know you warned me against their pirate code (which states that any pirate can kill another pirate at any time, among other things) and their terribly ruthless way of living (if they capture any babies, they eat them), but I need some adventure in my life. It’s something you just wouldn’t understand since you’re a girl. Don’t try to come looking for me; by the time you read this, I should have already gotten off the train and boarded a plane to…well, I won’t disclose the location. I stole one of your tacos so that I could be guaranteed admission.
I’m sorry it had to be this way.
Ten days later, George was discovered by two half-drunk police officers on the side of a mostly deserted road. He was found dead with a harpoon sticking out his chest and a note saying:
I’m sorry Sarah, you were right! They’re after me, but I’m getting out of the country tonight. Don’t look for me or ever mention my name to anyone ever again. Deny me ever existing if anyone ever asks you.
It was a very nice funeral.